


Watashitachi no Kazoku

by Tsukino_Akume



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 14:41:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/914395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukino_Akume/pseuds/Tsukino_Akume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raleigh can still hear his brother's voice. He just never expected Mako to start talking to him too - or for Yancy to respond.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watashitachi no Kazoku

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Voice in My Head](https://archiveofourown.org/works/914044) by [Tsukino_Akume](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukino_Akume/pseuds/Tsukino_Akume). 



> **Disclaimer/:** Still not mine. Damn it.  
>  **Warnings/:** Raleigh's a bit OOC at points, but I like to think it's reasonable because he's in denial.  
>  **Author's Notes/:** Totally fudging Pentecost's wording here because I can't remember exactly how he said it. Also stretching out the time between the fight where Crimson Typhoon and Cherno Alpha are lost, and when they make their move on The Breach. As for the random Japanese, I'm going with the fact that speaking Mako alternating between English and Japanese is canon. Translation notes are at the end of the story.
> 
> There's another version of this called [Lazarus Syndrome](http://archiveofourown.org/works/912703) by Miss Six. (Go read it! It's lovely! ♥) I'm not trying to steal her spotlight; my version of this bunny just wouldn't leave me alone.

He'd gotten good at pretending he couldn't hear Yancy's voice over the years. He could function well enough, even with that whisper reminding him, pushing at him, guiding him. There were lapses sometimes, when he forgot to remember the voice wasn't real, but people generally assumed he'd suffered minor brain damage in the last fight, or was struggling with PTSD. Both were common in Jaeger pilots.

Adding Mako's voice to the noise was both a blessing and a curse. He had a new voice to focus on now, someone to drag him away from the rabbits and back to the world around him. The need to help her was the reason he hadn't gotten trapped in Yancy's memories the first time they'd Drifted. 

But it was also another voice breaking into his thoughts in the silence, more memories to push aside and sort through at night. He couldn't hear her nagging at him in his head the way Yance did, but there were whispers sometimes, times when he _knew_ what she was thinking even without being in the Drift. He was already hyperaware of her; he always knew where she was, and was beginning to read her moods. It was distracting, uncomfortable because she was someone he barely knew and yet already knew intimately. He was dangerously close to her already, mentally and emotionally, and it hurt because she wasn't Yancy. She could never be Yancy. 

Because Yancy had never left his head. 

****

_"For my family!"_

Mako's defiant yell echoed around them as the chain sword sliced through Otachi, tearing it in two. There was a split second of shared victory between them, feelings of _pride_ and _satisfaction_ mingling together. And then they were falling. 

They fought with the instruments, searching for something, anything to stop the fall. Mako ran numbers and he went through the systems, they fell faster and faster and the hull began to warm around them. Yancy's voice was shouting frantically in his head. _You have to slow Gipsy down! You'll smash to pieces at this speed!_

He tried to ignore him, to push the voice to the back of his head, but Yancy was obnoxiously loud when he was worried. There was something over the radio, something he could barely hear. It sounded like Pentecost but - 

_There's gotta be something left you can eject. What about the -_

_"Dameru, Onii-san!"_

Raleigh's head snapped to the side, and he stared at Mako with wide eyes. "What did you say?" he breathed. 

And then Pentecost's voice came through the comm, full of static. _"You've got to purge the reactor! It's your only chance!"_

****

He debriefed and showered before wandering aimlessly through the Shatterdome. He actively avoided Mako's room, mess, and Pentecost's office, already knowing she was searching for him. He could feel her _concern_ , coupled with an underlying _nervousness_. _Irritation_ too, the longer he avoided her. 

He eventually found himself tucked away in a section of pipeline above Gipsy's head, observing the mechanics below as they frantically worked to repair the damage as quickly as possible. His stomach rumbled, but he ignored it. He didn't have much of an appetite at the moment. 

_Liar._

He sighed, leaning his head against a knee. "Go 'way, Yance," he muttered. 

_Sorry Little Brother, not happening. You're kind of stuck with me forever, you know._

The thought sent a sharp spike of pain through him, and he shut his eyes tightly as they burned. "Fuck you." 

_Regret_ flickered through him, and he could feel the ghost of a hand passing over his hair. A series of conflicting thoughts followed, flickers of words that could have been used but would ultimately be meaningless. _You can't hide from her forever_ , Yancy said at last. 

_Watch me_ flashed through his head before he reigned it in, and he sighed at the flare of _amusement_ in response. He ***couldn't*** avoid her forever, not logically. But he could avoid being alone with her for as long as possible. 

_You'll never get an answer until you ask_ , Yancy pointed out. 

"I don't ***want*** to ask, dumbass," he groused. "For all we know she was yelling at me because the crazy guy was distracting her with the voices in his head." 

He expected a snarky comment about how he'd always been crazy. Instead there was a long pause, and a thoughtful _I dunno. I don't think so._

He looked up, blinking. There was nothing there, but the physical response was instinctive anyway. "What do you mean?" 

_Honestly? I got the feeling she was yelling at ***me***. _

"That's impossible," he argued. 

"Perhaps. Perhaps not." 

He stiffened at the sound, turning just in time to catch the apple that had been pitched at his head. Mako stood ten feet away, perfectly balanced on the pipeline with a hand braced against the wall. Her gaze was unreadable as she stared at him. 

_How the hell did she manage to sneak up on me?_ he wondered, even as he took a moment to shine the apple on his shirt and take a bite. "Thanks," he said instead. 

"You are distracted," she replied simply. "You're welcome." 

A chill ran down his spine. _Shit. She can't ... she can't hear me, can she?_

_I think a better question would be can she hear ***me***? _

"Yes," Mako spoke up, making her carefully along the line before slowly sitting down a few feet away from him. She mirrored his pose, hugging one knee to her chest. 

"Yes, what?" he asked, trying to sound casual and failing. 

"I can hear you." She looked up, catching his eyes and startling him with her solemn expression. "Both of you." 

He choked on his apple. 

After several moments of coughing, hacking, and the bizarre sensation of two hands smacking him on the back, he looked up at Mako through watery eyes. "You - ***what***?" he wheezed. 

Her eyes narrowed, and he had the impression she wasn't rolling them at him through sheer force of will. "I said," she repeated slowly, and _irritation_ seeped into him, "I can hear both of you. You and _Onii-san_. Not just in the Drift. Now. Here." 

His jaw worked soundlessly for a moment. "That's impossible," he managed at last. "Yance is - Yance isn't real. He's just a voice in my head. Just ... leftover memory." 

_I oughtta kick your ass for that._

Mako studied him for a moment. " _If Onii-san_ is merely a memory, how can he respond to our words now?" 

He shook his head, rubbing a hand over his face. "It's not ... It's like a memory, tainting my thoughts okay? Like my conscience sounds like Yancy now. It's not real. It's never been real." 

It was nothing he hadn't already known, but saying it out loud still made his eyes burn. He blinked for a moment before looking away and rubbing at his chin. "I'm sorry," he told her finally. "I'm ... There's a lot of ... stuff mixed up in my head. I'm sorry you have to deal with it, too." 

He knew she was wasn't happy with him, even if her expression betrayed nothing. "I knew what I would be getting into, when I chose to become a pilot," she said simply. 

The corner of his mouth twisted into a bitter half-smile, remembering the first time they'd sat together near Gipsy, just after their disasterous first test. "But you didn't know what you'd be getting into with me." 

Mako huffed quietly, her lips thinning. 

And then he heard it, a tendril of a whisper running through his mind: _Has he always been this way?_

_Amusement-exasperation-fondness_ , and Yancy's voice in a distant reply. _He's always been a pain in the ass. The emo thing is new._

The world seemed to tilt on its side. Everything became simultaneously fuzzy and too clear at the same time, like when he'd just left a Drift and his brain couldn't process the lack of connection. His chest felt tight, and there were voices again, loud and insistent but he couldn't focus enough to pay attention to them. 

_Shit! Grab him before he falls!_

_Aniki? Aniki!_

****

He woke up in his room, laying in bed with the lights out and fingers running through his hair. The sensation made him sigh, because it was something Yancy had done in the early days of learning to Drift, when Drift Hangovers were still common and they needed some sort of physical connection to ground each other. He'd mocked him for it, teasing Yancy about his developing maternal side, but they'd both known he secretly loved it. He wasn't entirely sure how he felt about Mako doing it. 

"Feels nice," he muttered finally, just for something to say. 

There was a quiet sigh. _You are a frustrating man, Raleigh Becket_ , Mako informed him. 

He spared a thought to wonder why she was thinking at him instead of talking out loud before deciding he was too comfortable to care. _So I hear._

He could tell there was more she wanted to say, but she seemed to need to collect her thoughts. He couldn't think of anything he wanted to share, and so the silence lingered. The hand on his head continued, soothing him. 

_Why are you afraid?_ she asked finally. The words were soft and subdued, and he could feel a lingering _sadness_ behind them. 

He wanted to argue that he ***wasn't*** afraid, but he knew what she was trying to get across. 

_'Why are you afraid to believe it could be real?'_

He let out a long sigh, reaching up to press the heels of his hands into his eyes. His thoughts tumbled around one another for several moments as he searched for the right response. _I can't lose - because it's ***crazy*** \- not again - it isn't real ghosts aren't real - don't want to be locked up in a psych ward - dishonoring Yance's memory - ***FELT*** HIM DIE._

His face felt wet, and he cursed as he rubbed at his eyes, trying to find the words. 

A hand settled over his, squeezing gently. " _Daijoubu, Aniki_ ," Mako murmured. "I hear you." 

The word _'Aniki'_ caught his attention, and he lowered his hands to squint at her in the dark. "That's the second time you've called me that. _Aniki_ , that's ... that's what I think it means, right?" 

She was sitting on the floor in front of the bed, her right hand still holding his. He could see her shadow look away, but felt no _embarrassment_ behind it. "We are connected. Always. That makes us family, does it not?" 

He smiled a little. "Yeah. I guess it does. _Imouto_ ," he added, smirking a little. 

He felt her smile more than saw it, along with flickers of _happiness_ and _contentment_. He squeezed her hand, and felt one in response. 

It was about that point that he realized Mako was sitting on the floor. In front of him. The fingers in his hair - which were still going - had come from above and behind. 

Mako tensed under his hand, and it took him several minutes to reign in the _anger_ surging through him. He wanted to acuse her, to demand to know why she would to this to him - on ***purpose*** and he knew immediately it was. Why couldn't she just let it go? Why couldn't she just accept that - 

_Maybe, genius_ , Yancy's voice drawled through his mind, _This wasn't her idea._

He grit his teeth. _Why do you keep doing this to me?_ he demanded. _Why won't you just let it go? Why are you still -_ He stomped on the thought before it could escape, smothering the flickers of both directions it could have gone. 

"Don't say that!" 

Mako flinched slightly the moment the words were out, as if she hadn't meant to say them, and she probably hadn't. But her eyes still met his in the darkness, and he could feel her wavering between _pain_ and _sincerity_. "You are lucky, _Aniki._ When ... " She paused, swallowing, and he could see her wrestling with the same feelings of _pain-loss_ he'd struggled with for the past five years. Not just for her own family he sensed, but for ***Yancy***. "When _Onii-san_ was lost, a part of him was still with you, within you. That part cannot die, because you carry it always. In this way, _Onii-san_ is alive. The rest of those who have been lost to us cannot live on this way." 

She leaned forward, her expression earnest. " _Onii-san's_ presence is a gift, _Aniki_. He is not gone, because we still hear him. Because he hears us." 

_Listen to her, dumbass. Little Sis knows what she's talking about._

"Egotist," he retorted, blinking harshly for a moment. _I'm afraid_ , he admitted, meeting Mako's eyes again. _I'm afraid to believe it's real._

Her hand squeezed his again, and she leaned in, pressing their foreheads together. _Then I will give you courage, and we will believe in each other._

_And fuck the rest of the world_ , Yancy agreed. Lips pressed briefly against the back of his head, and he could feel an echo of _surprise_ and _happiness_ when they brushed over Mako's as well. _We can take 'em anyway._

And for the first time in a long time, he actually felt like they could.

**Author's Note:**

> Translation Notes:
> 
>  _Dameru, Onii-san!:_ Shut up, Big Brother!  
>  _Aniki:_ Big Brother, more informal than Onii-san. Sometimes used with twins.  
>  _Daijobou:_ It's all right.  
>  _Imouto:_ Little Sister  
>  _Watashitachi no Kazoku:_ Our Family


End file.
